Monday, August 6, 2007

When the maid takes him away

This is an advise to Ladies from a man!

In the modern life especially in the city it is not uncommon to find that we live with house helps/maids in our houses. House help is naturally not apart of the family but she is a very important member of the family team. In most families maids live more composed and confident than the other natural members of the family (father, mother and the children). The maid feeds well, dress well and impresses everybody including your visitors and other natural family members. For this reason maids are liked by all members of the family because she is the star of the house that feeds, cleans, tends, clothes and cares the rest including you as a wife of that house.

Things however changes direction when this maid concentrates her attention to the man of the house who ideally is your husband. Remember how each member of this house came to being. The man looked around for a wife to live with and picked on you. Then the children were the product of your relationship and the maid came to assist. Wait abit ! Assist in what? Being a wife to the man? Add more children in the homestead? Hoo no! She came to help in the work load as the numbers of the family increases and both of you (wife and husband) gets busy. She did not come to look for ways of taking the man away from the family. And that is where the problems start.

Maids have literally stolen men from their wives and wives are left wondering what really went wrong. There must be things that you ignore to do to this man that the maid identified and started doing. I think that once these are identified, there will be no more husbands snatching by maids. Don’t think that the maid is more beautiful than you. That is inferiority complex. The man selected you among many and that is a fact. You can still exclusively own him by doing the following;

1. Discourage direct conversation between your maid and your man. Ensure that the maid is contracted by you, paid by you and instructed by you.
2. When all members of the house are present make it a habit to sit next to your man.
3. Dialogue with your man as frequent as possible. Try to communicate with him as many times as you can while he is at work or away.
4. Control the dressing code of you maid to avoid provocative dressing. State this at the time of engagement.
5. Love your husband and express it at all time. Cook for him whenever possible. Serve him personally and welcome/encourage him to eat. Identify what your husband likes most and take time to feed him on that.
6. Do not embarrass your husband in front of your maid. In case of differences, confront him in private away from children and maids.
7. Be intimate to your husband. Intimacy flavours your marriage. Do not let your fire for this man die away. This might be the weak point that the maid is looking for.
8. Respect your husband and command everybody in the house respect him.
9. Appreciate your husband and defend him at all times. Don’t allow yourself to listen for gossips from anyone about your husband. Be proud to tell others that he is the best for you and your family. Do not expose his weakness to anyone.
10. Pray together with your family and involve the maid. This is enough to demonstrate to everyone that you are united as a family and you are God fearing.


Sally said...

I totally agree with this.I ignored my husband for sometime woring in Ethopian and left him with a maid my own cousin. Believe it or not the small little and dirty village girl stole the heart of my husband. she got a baby with him and I had to give up. Very painful.

I remember the many times that I came home and allowed the maid (now co-wife) to serve my man. Little did I know that service could go to bedroom...........


Anonymous said...

Men should also be blamed for this. Why stooping that lower.You men talk out your needs or suffering or frustrations whatever it is........I dont know.

Men simply like short cuts and they are impatient

Nya imbo....anto da padi rayirano...

Sue said...

In the modern world women need to work so we have no choice but to employ someone to take care of the house chores and children.

More women are getting challenging jobs, even leaving the country like Sally did and leave the kids with a maid or a relative.

But what I will never understand is the way men cannot control themselves and take the first opportunity they get. I dont buy this story of the housegirl doing everything in the house so the man gets attracted to her.

I agree that we should control dressing and discourage direct conversation with the man, but this is not easy when the woman is away from home for sometime. Some maids go to peoples houses with an agenda and workout on their plans to win the Man of the house.

Men should just respect their wives.

Anonymous said...




luke said...

Hi Sue
As a man, i have to agree with you when you say men should respect their wives and control themselves. Although i am single and unmarried i advocate for all men to control themselves

I've also felt, for a very long time now, that househelps should have some union of sort like a worker's union whereby their rights can be upheld e.g. minimum wages, working conditions etc. Househelps are also people who should not be turned into modern day slaves and undergo untold abuse e.g. sexual impropriety etc in the many households they live and work in in Kenya

I think there should also be provision to provide some form of education or training to them while they work in our houses, with the goal being that they shall not always be househelps; one day when they shall leave this job, they should be better of in some way or other, not just financially (although even that is not sure, as often their pay is not good)

Anyway, i encourage my fellow men to be respect their wives and behave better than primates

Ssembonge said...

I read somewhere that if a man and a woman spend more than 300 hours together WITHOUT ANY RESTRAINS, then something is bound to happen between the two.

Like you said, one has to take pro-active steps. The same situation applies to boys in the family.

Prousette said...

Having sex with the househelp is wrong no matter what the excuse the man gives. The helper is in an inferior position as this is where her bread and butter comes from.

Even if you do all that is on that list if the man makes a choice to go ahead there is very little you can do as a woman.
What happens if the woman has to work away from home in another country for example or the man? Marriage is not about controlling the other it is about trust and making a conscious decision to keep to those abused vows.

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Hi Everybody,
I am interested in such conversations because it is universal in most African countries. I am originally from an English speaking West African country,Ghana.
All over Africa the issue of maids has been a subject for heated debates. Many school of thoughts have shared positions on how to prevent the house-helps from snatching the husbands from legitimate wives.
What all househelp service users forget to accept and acknowledge is the fact that these helpers are also human and women, some of them very pretty. Men are visual animals and get attracted by what they see, so think of this scenario:

A man lives with an "ugly" househelp with a very good physical features,naturally, most men will secretly have diabolic intentions if they are not principled persons. So the man buys nice panties, bras, dress, perfumes and other things and give it to the wife to be given to the maid so that she can dress to impress visitors.....Can you read the mind of a "doggy husband"?
So the wife travels, and the man is alone with the maid and she dresses provocatively...remember some of the maids have their own agenda too....and a simple pat on the shoulder and an intense look into her face turns into a kiss and can imagine the rest.
Hmmm, so married women, we have to in the first place not encourage the use of maids. what about our mothers or close relatives coming in to help?
If you can't do without it, then, dont create the atmosphere for the man to be interested in the maid. Respect your husband, cook for him and try to do most of the necessary chores in the house. If possible hide the maid when you have visitors?
Do I make sense?