Tuesday, August 7, 2007

House maids/helps

I decided to post again the interesting article on why maids take the man of the house away, with the comments, because it’s a hot issue in most Kenyan households. Just like the man said, maids are important people we need them. We should also respect them because we leave them with our kids and household, when mistreated they pour their wrath on the kids.

However just like we have been warned we should be careful on how they dress and discourage direct conversation with the man of the house. HOWEVER, as much as I partly agree with this, I don’t agree with the fact that this contributes to the man having an affair with the maid or a relative who takes care of the kids and house work, Especially when am around. Men should not look for excuses for promiscuity.

When the maid takes him away

This is an advise to Ladies from a man!

In the modern life especially in the city it is not uncommon to find that we live with house helps/maids in our houses. House help is naturally not apart of the family but she is a very important member of the family team. In most families maids live more composed and confident than the other natural members of the family (father, mother and the children). The maid feeds well, dress well and impresses everybody including your visitors and other natural family members. For this reason maids are liked by all members of the family because she is the star of the house that feeds, cleans, tends, clothes and cares the rest including you as a wife of that house.

Things however changes direction when this maid concentrates her attention to the man of the house who ideally is your husband. Remember how each member of this house came to being. The man looked around for a wife to live with and picked on you. Then the children were the product of your relationship and the maid came to assist. Wait abit ! Assist in what? Being a wife to the man? Add more children in the homestead? Hoo no! She came to help in the work load as the numbers of the family increases and both of you (wife and husband) gets busy. She did not come to look for ways of taking the man away from the family. And that is where the problems start.

Maids have literally stolen men from their wives and wives are left wondering what really went wrong. There must be things that you ignore to do to this man that the maid identified and started doing. I think that once these are identified, there will be no more husbands snatching by maids. Don’t think that the maid is more beautiful than you. That is inferiority complex. The man selected you among many and that is a fact. You can still exclusively own him by doing the following;

1. Discourage direct conversation between your maid and your man. Ensure that the maid is contracted by you, paid by you and instructed by you.
2. When all members of the house are present make it a habit to sit next to your man.
3. Dialogue with your man as frequent as possible. Try to communicate with him as many times as you can while he is at work or away.
4. Control the dressing code of you maid to avoid provocative dressing. State this at the time of engagement.
5. Love your husband and express it at all time. Cook for him whenever possible. Serve him personally and welcome/encourage him to eat. Identify what your husband likes most and take time to feed him on that.
6. Do not embarrass your husband in front of your maid. In case of differences, confront him in private away from children and maids.
7. Be intimate to your husband. Intimacy flavours your marriage. Do not let your fire for this man die away. This might be the weak point that the maid is looking for.
8. Respect your husband and command everybody in the house respect him.
9. Appreciate your husband and defend him at all times. Don’t allow yourself to listen for gossips from anyone about your husband. Be proud to tell others that he is the best for you and your family. Do not expose his weakness to anyone.
10. Pray together with your family and involve the maid. This is enough to demonstrate to everyone that you are united as a family and you are God fearing.
Posted by Sue at 1:13 PM
Sally said...
I totally agree with this.I ignored my husband for sometime woring in Ethopian and left him with a maid my own cousin. Believe it or not the small little and dirty village girl stole the heart of my husband. she got a baby with him and I had to give up. Very painful.

I remember the many times that I came home and allowed the maid (now co-wife) to serve my man. Little did I know that service could go to bedroom...........

August 6, 2007 2:12 PM
Anonymous said...
Men should also be blamed for this. Why stooping that lower.You men talk out your needs or suffering or frustrations whatever it is........I dont know.

Men simply like short cuts and they are impatient

Nya imbo....anto da padi rayirano...
August 6, 2007 2:25 PM
Sue said...
In the modern world women need to work so we have no choice but to employ someone to take care of the house chores and children.

More women are getting challenging jobs, even leaving the country like Sally did and leave the kids with a maid or a relative.

But what I will never understand is the way men cannot control themselves and take the first opportunity they get. I dont buy this story of the housegirl doing everything in the house so the man gets attracted to her.

I agree that we should control dressing and discourage direct conversation with the man, but this is not easy when the woman is away from home for sometime. Some maids go to peoples houses with an agenda and workout on their plans to win the Man of the house.

Men should just respect their wives.
August 6, 2007 2:57 PM
Anonymous said...


August 6, 2007 3:49 PM
luke said...
Hi Sue
As a man, i have to agree with you when you say men should respect their wives and control themselves. Although i am single and unmarried i advocate for all men to control themselves

I've also felt, for a very long time now, that househelps should have some union of sort like a worker's union whereby their rights can be upheld e.g. minimum wages, working conditions etc. Househelps are also people who should not be turned into modern day slaves and undergo untold abuse e.g. sexual impropriety etc in the many households they live and work in in Kenya

I think there should also be provision to provide some form of education or training to them while they work in our houses, with the goal being that they shall not always be househelps; one day when they shall leave this job, they should be better of in some way or other, not just financially (although even that is not sure, as often their pay is not good)

Anyway, i encourage my fellow men to be respect their wives and behave better than primates
August 6, 2007 3:58 PM
Ssembonge said...
I read somewhere that if a man and a woman spend more than 300 hours together WITHOUT ANY RESTRAINS, then something is bound to happen between the two.

Like you said, one has to take pro-active steps. The same situation applies to boys in the family.
August 7, 2007 5:15 AM


Anonymous said...

If he is the cheating type it does not mater whether the woman is beautiful or not,old or not .He will still do it.If he has attempted it once be wise n stop employing one woman after the other.the problem is your man.

Anonymous said...

Hi Everyone,

Thanks Sue for the advice you have given wives about their behaviour and what they should do and not do. I am a full time housewife(i hold a B.A) My husband is a fantastic provider,handsome and works hard, he encounters good looking women in his office and working environment and i have met a few during annual christmas office parties.Men were designed to be hunters, their primal need is to actually mate with a different woman every night. Thats the reality,I cannot gurantee that he will be monogamous with me for the rest of his life.It will happen and if it does i am ready for it. maybe a little fling,a harmless sex, its just sex for them,it does not translate to love or committment unless you push him away.
My father had a woman maybe two on the side and my mother new about it,she did not raise the issue with my father at all i learnt it much later in my twenties and i also kept my mouth shut ,she just focused on her self.Being a devoted muslim woman, she knew what to do. And men can marry more than one woman in islam, so it did not bother her too much instead she took the opportunity to go back to school to get a masters,she learnt french,joined the gym and got a job with the worldbank and went for trainings and meetings regionally and internationally. And all these time,she still showered my father with attention, he was not cheating on her because she was not a good wife, in his view its just harmless fling.

My father became insecure over time when he saw my mother improving herself.I remember him asking me( iwas 20 then) 'your mother has changed,she is so busy this days'To me she was just the same just more focused and my father started paying more attention to my mother! he would spend alot of time at home,buy her jewellery and take her out.


My husband is surrounded with women everywhere. I have a maid who works between 9 am to 4 pm.She never encounters my husband and does not work during weekends. I make breakfast and dinner for us and serve. i make my bedroom(maid not allowed in). I like to spend quality time with him and make sure that when he is at home its a place of peace,harmony and comforting...which is very different from his work environment of cut throuat competition,fighting etc. He is actually going through a very difficult time with his workaholic-no life boss.Its not always easy as there days where i put my own needs second so that i can be there for him.Giving him a hug and kisses when he gets home. Its not always easy for wives, actually its a very challenging job; i have to budget house expenses,buy food,pay electric,water,security,maid bills and keep fit ,make sure that he has clean shirts tomorrow,pack his suitcase when he goes for a trip.To be a good wive you need wisdom,intelligence,patience,good listener,good attitude,courage etc.

Because the success of your husband will also be your success; i would like to advice wives who have husbands that if he has cheated on you ,please do not divorce him, we were discussing the issue of tigger woods,edward kerry,burlusconni,brad pitt with a group of muslim women recently, and we wished someone could adviced these wives. All are very beautiiful women, and am sure their husbands loved them.

we concluded that these men who have high status would want more sex period. the sooner the women figure this out the better.the 'christian law' that forced men to be monogamous!! lets be honest.

Divorcing a man is not the solution.

Jacques & Phanice said...

Madame, this is just so deep and powerful!

To my fellow men, let's be responsible and offer correct vision to our families!

This is why we call it home where peace and harmony is expected in action!

God bless