Friday, October 5, 2007

To be a second wife or to have a co-wife?

It has been claimed that marriageable men are becoming less and less with many men leaving past their marriage age or opt to remain single. Men generally have shied away from responsibility that comes with marriages and relations. They prefer having relationship without commitment and responsibility. Ladies have been left with limited options like stay single, be a second wife or have a co-wife. These options come with challenges but some are better than the others.

Assuming that you are unmarried lady and you are involved in a relationship, which seems to work out well. It is hot and growing and all seems to be good. The only thing that you don’t know about this man is that he is married and he is preparing you for a second wife. He has all along been mum about this lest you leave him. He surely loves you. Would you go ahead and marry this man to be a second wife when he proposes? Yes many of us will take that route but few will do otherwise. They will prefer to continue with the affair but avoid marriage. This gets complicated if you had introduced this man to your friends and parents or if you have or expecting a child with him. What will you do? Is the second “ wifery” the only option left?

The second scenario is where you landed in a good marriage and you are the only known wife of that man. For reasons that you have never thought of the man introduces a co wife. Will you welcome the co wife or move out or fight?

Which of the two is better; being a second wife or having a co wife while you remain a first wife?


Anonymous said...

I can never be a second wife and I can beat the shit out of a woman who thinks she can join me as a co-wife, then walk out.

kasigunga said...

This is interesting.Being a second wife or a first wife with a co wife i.e the husband brings in anither wife other than me.

I think a husband is one of the rare things that even very saved and loving people are relactant to share.

Those who are unable to get the husband of there own should just wait or stay single.

Men should also learn that marriage is a one time affair just like birth and death. There is nothing like multiple marriage. Marriage is understood as a union between a man and a wife not man and wives or men and wife.These are the late discoveries of men!

Proud Kikuyu Woman said...

Of course its better to be wife no. 1:0) than no. 2. But no, I would hate to share a husband.
But honestly, Sue, don't you think (or may have observed) that majority of married men in Kenya have had other women on the side? Its just not official. So most women have co-wives, anyway??

Shamemanners said...

I think a wife is the lady you are staying with not the sides you have many affairs with.

The best option is to be wife no.1 and remain in that position securely (get papers to authenticate the process).If number two comes it will be difficult for her to cope.

Sporty said...

I see no issue being no 1 or no 2. The most important fact is weather your man has performed his roles as a good father, husband, lover and a good son. If all these criteria being met there are no issues being what ever number.

Sporty said...

I used to think i can never be a 2nd wife. I hold strongly to the ground that never do onto others what you dont want others to do on to you. But however, my life has changed tremendously. BTW, am a divorcee, never was happy in my 1st marriage, now am in 2nd marrige being 2nd wife. The table are all turned, i need to bear with the unknown. The fact of being 2nd is always not pleasent, however, i stand now, being no 1 or no2 is not an issue. As long as your man is able to show that he has perform as a good husband, friend, lover, son and father.. i think as a woman i dont ask for more... said...

Second wife? no

Anonymous said...

hello, I stumbled onto your blog while looking up co wife's. So is it common for a men to tell you " I'm married but will you still marry me? " after you are so in love? At that point what do you do, like you said everyone you know knows about you two. Do many men do this? What do you do... finding that one that is like your other half, what do I do.