I talked about weddings in my previous post and also mentioned that I prefer couples that wed after staying together because they know each other better. However I do not support young ladies who run away from home without getting the blessing of their parents.
Just the other day a cousin who has been under my mother’s care after doing her form 4 exams, meets a man and within 2 months, they are so happy with each other and ready for marriage. She goes to visit my sister with a few of her belongings, then one night she tells my sister and her husband that she is getting married and moving to her new home the next day.
Now if I may ask what kind of a marriage is that? My sister and her husband were really shocked the only thing they could do is to call relatives to talk some sense into the girl’s head. She was not changing her mind and everything we said sounded like annoying music to her ears. They later told her to go back to my mum’s house and get her approval first.
She grudgingly called my mum, agreed to go back and later invite the man that weekend before she goes. The man and some of his relatives came, went through the usual introduction according to our tradition. He later gave some money to say thank you for the food and a token to my parents. Some men think that when they do this, they can take the girl to their home.
My mother told them it wasn’t enough because the girl is her brother’s daughter, her mother died but her father is still alive upcountry. So she advised them to seek my uncles blessings before they move in together, or better still do a wedding. Why hurry when they will stay together for the rest of their lives.
We all felt relieved but it was short-lived because after two days my sister called to inform me the girl disappeared with her clothes, early morning and went to her sweet heart cum husband. That is how my cousin chose to start her marriage.
This is a very common scenario in Kenya and many parts of Africa. It is very difficult to stop a girl when she falls in love with someone, especially if she is a young girl. However men should be able to control a girl’s emotions, show some maturity by performing at least some of the traditional requirements leading to marriage. Give some dowry at least a goat/sheep if not a cow.
It is very sad that she only knew the man for 2 months and got married without my uncle getting even a chicken as dowry for her daughter, I don’t know if they went for HIV test which is very important before getting into such a relationship. We are waiting to see what will happen if he will go upcountry to see my uncle and my grandmother who also took care of the girl.
It can be sad when such a marriage doesn’t work out and the girl has to run back home, who would she blame?
Anyway I wish them all the best.